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A mothers rejection to her child.

21/3/2014

32 Comments

 
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Rejection has to be one of my most feared emotions. 
I think it is one of the things I grew up with that left me feeling alone and unwanted for a very long time till I understood it could be dealt with by replacing someone just as important to take its place.

All my life no matter how many people assured me I was part of their family or friendship , I was left feeling rejected for not being the same blood type or having the memories and past with people who tried to make me belong .

Being a mum , I can always say that I have always had my childrens best interests at heart before making any decisions or choices. 
I can not understand how a mother could simply hurt their child and give up on them soo easily. It is something that really angers me especially as I have three step children who are being totally rejected by their mother .

We have tried to involve the mother in their lives and with no assurance she will ever get in touch with them, it is heart breaking to think they have that feeling of her rejecting them as she is doing now.

Rejection is terrible, no matter who is rejecting whom. When rejection comes from a parent, it can be double the pain and although I am filling the gap of having them being here with as much love and care as I can give  , I somehow feel they need more reassurance that their mother wants to know or even want to try and see them.

It seems that unconditional love is not in her personality and this worries me as to why she even had the children in the first place. Did she have them to fill a gap of feeling loved by them and then found it too much to give it in return or has she decided she just does not want to be a mother any more?

I am actually gob smacked at searching the net for mothers who reject their children and finding the men are the ones in the media being heightened for doing it more .
In my experience I was rejected by a mother and now these children are too , so why is it so hard to find information about it?
 Is is that people are scared or ashamed to talk about being rejected my their mother or are their only a small minority out there?

I feel it is a bitter reality to find people become parents before maturity and therefore do not have the high standards of parental love to their child once they come along.
Every parent should love their child and in return each child learns to love their parent . We can control how much love we give to others but we can not control how another person feels towards us .

My step children's mother has 3 other children, 2 of which are living with her still but she seems to have done a moon light flit from her home where the children we now have here were brought up and moved somewhere else to start a new life without them, with no care to tell anyone where she was in case the children were to want to see her. 
Luckily with no help from social services or other authority , we found this information through people who know her but that was a step we had to make on our own for the sake of her children.

I feel it is unforgiveable not only for me but to her children that she has done this and I wonder if she even wonders how they are , what they are doing or even if she misses their cute laughs and smiles.

Rejection is happening all around you , you are never alone and I am currently working with my step children to make sure they do not feel the ones to blame for their mothers actions but this can be tough as they are so small and I do not want to be seen as taking their mothers place although they have always called me mum and I treat them as my own.

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I hope one day their mothers see's that her children should have her in their lives but for now we hope she can live with the hurt she is causing them the longer she leaves it.
The children are adjusting great to their new family home and I am  positive in thinking that they are being brought up healthy, happy children, I just hope they cope with the rejection as they grow older. 

A mothers love should be with her children always , not just when they feel like they want to give it to them.
I will never be their mother but I will always treat them as my children .



 That is my only aim .


Have you been in a position of rejection , how did you deal with it? 
32 Comments
Kizzy link
21/3/2014 04:45:04 am

Rejection is such a hard emotion to deal with. Glad they are settling in I know how hard it can be.

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Jo Bryan link
21/3/2014 04:52:26 am

Rejection often happens by parents for all manner of reasons, I find that this can lead to a really strong character in a child when grown, independence and positive parenting to fight against the harm, worked for me I believe.

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Sylvia / Happiness is homemade link
21/3/2014 04:54:17 am

It must be so hard, can't even imagine what you had to go through as a child ;( I hope kids will settle and have happy childhood after all.

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Mummy of Two link
21/3/2014 04:56:22 am

I really can't understand people who reject their children, it must be so difficult for them to understand. It sounds like you are doing a great job making them feel wanted and loved.

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Katie Clark link
21/3/2014 04:56:37 am

I think rejection is one of the hardest and most damaging things to have to deal with. I'm so glad the children are settling well with you - like you say, you're treating them as your children and they will know that they are loved and treasured.

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Kristen from The Road to Domestication link
21/3/2014 05:08:25 am

Yes, I have dealt with my share of rejection, but there has always been at least one person there to show me love and keep me from doing anything stupid LOL I believe you are that person for your step children! They will realize it and appreciate you for it one day!

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Mums do travel link
21/3/2014 05:21:00 am

I'm lucky in that I haven't experienced this myself but as an adoptive mother I know about the effect it can have. You might want to do some research on attachment theory. Basically it's about the effect of parental rejection and abandonment on a child's emotional development and their ability to attach to others. It sounds like you're doing a great job with your family - good luck going forward.

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Gude @HodgePodgeCraft link
21/3/2014 05:30:15 am

Wow, those kids are so lucky to have you, but it's very sad that their birth mum has chosen to stop all contact with them.
I can't imagine dealing with the feelings generated by this kind of rejection as an adult, let alone as a child. I wish you all support and strength. Your love for them will mean that they can get through this whatever their birth mum chooses to do.

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Clare Mansell link
21/3/2014 07:16:57 am

It's a very complicated issue and it makes you wonder what went on before to make people like this. They do say that behaviour patterns tend to repeat themselves...

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Jen link
21/3/2014 07:22:49 am

I can not imagine this, but as I do not know the situation can not comment on it.

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Sarah Ebner link
21/3/2014 08:24:01 am

It sounds as if you are doing the right thing, but it must be hard to see the children feeling rejected. So sad, as you say.

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Kirsty Hijacked By Twins link
21/3/2014 09:14:04 am

Rejection is hard. My first on's father rejected both of us during pregnancy. It is hard but it made me so much stronger! x

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Michelle link
21/3/2014 09:57:09 am

Rejection is a hard thing to take, wishing you well x

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You Baby Me Mummy link
21/3/2014 10:13:30 am

I do not understand anyone rejecting their child. Seems so unfair when there are so many people desperate for a family. Glad all your children and happy x

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hannah staveley link
21/3/2014 10:23:31 am

Rejection is such a hard thing .x

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Astrid link
21/3/2014 11:26:00 am

This post hits close to home. It is sad when parents reect their own children,w ehther it be by actually forcing them out of hteir own lives, or by emotional or physical neglect. I am so proud of you for being able ot be a loving step-parent to your stepchildren.

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Louisa link
21/3/2014 12:26:08 pm

I was rejected by my dad and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have no idea what caused you step children's mom to reject them, it must be really hard for them. I'm sure you will give them a stable and happy life.

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Aisha from expatlog link
21/3/2014 01:28:12 pm

Rejection is devastating and once done it's there forever. Like you, I cannot understand some people's motivations for having children - to treat another life with such offhandedness is unfathomable.
My mother made it clear to me she never wanted children and only had us to please my father. She got rid of me at the first opportunity.
I can't listen to mothers talk about the pain of their children departing for university without tearing up, the grief for what I never knew is just overwhelming, but I DO know my children will be in NO doubt of my love and support.
You're doing a great job and your reward will be the love of those children.

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rachel @ activities4kidz link
21/3/2014 03:13:34 pm

I find it so sad. Ive luckily never experienced anything like this personally and as a mum I can't imagine ever rejecting my kids. X

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sophie
21/3/2014 03:55:40 pm

Aw , it must be hard! haven't been through this.
You are doing such a great job :) you seem such a great step mum.

Sophie
xx
www.pocockins.co.uk

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Sarah-Louise Bailey link
21/3/2014 05:03:47 pm

I think rejection is hard no matter where it comes from and whoever is handing it to us. x

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Healthier Mummy link
21/3/2014 11:57:27 pm

Sounds like you've had a tough time but it's great that you're now able to offer your kids a loving home. I hope that the mum does stay in touch for their sake but your support will help the kids whatever happens.

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mellissa williams link
22/3/2014 01:20:13 am

How can people reject a child? It's such a complicated issue full of raw emotions.

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Orli D link
22/3/2014 06:23:14 am

Rejection is such a hurtful and hateful thing. It hurts so much, and when it is done by parents it is even worse, and it really doesn't matter at what age it happens. We have a story like this, and it stays with you. I know it doesn't help, but I think you are doing the right thing and your step-children will grow up knowing that they have a mum - you. Being a biological parent really doesn't makes you into one, but raising, caring, and loving - does.

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Model mummy link
22/3/2014 01:53:58 pm

That is very sad to read but thank god they have you to take care of them. They will see you as their mother and never feel as if your love is not enough as it is better than no love at all xx

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anna link
22/3/2014 02:56:44 pm

I don't understand what would make a mum reject her own children, it is very sad to hear these type of stories - hopefully it will all work out well for them in life

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Charlotte link
23/3/2014 11:46:02 am

Rejection is a horrible, horrible feeling. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job though x

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Kara link
24/3/2014 12:11:02 am

It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. There must be a reason for her rejecting them, perhaps she is dealing with depression and struggling with everyday life. Keep trying to maintain contact - one day I am sure she will want to be involved again

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Lori link
24/3/2014 02:08:29 am

Rejection is such a hard emotion to deal with as it makes us question oursleves and doubt our abilities. It's is great that you are giving these children the love they deserve although you never can tell the damage that is done when a parent rejects a child.x

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wendy link
24/3/2014 06:53:23 am

Rejection is so hard at any age. I am so pleased that they are settling in x

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Agata Pokutycka
25/3/2014 12:11:51 pm

As a foster Mum I deal at times with rejected kids... it is never easy and I always struggle to find a positive side while trying to explain "Why My Mum doesn't want me?"

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Jenny link
25/3/2014 02:05:19 pm

heart-breaking :(

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