How I became Mummy of 7
Hello everyone , My name is Lisa as you may know already but some of you do not know that I am a mum of 7.
I have always wanted a big family and it all stems from being very young from being a foster child .
I was fostered at a young age and apart form my foster family who are the only family I have ever known and infact were my aunt,uncle and cousins, I never really had anyone else. I know some children do not get to stay with close family and I am very grateful that the system agreed with this decision.
I have called them mum, dad, sister and brothers for as long as I can remember now. Sadly my mum passed away shortly after I had my first child who is now coming up 10 years old from cancer and I miss her deeply everyday . We all go through grief but I think the bond between me and her were strong because I know how much she dedicated herself to loving and taking care of me .
I was a difficult child and often running away, getting into alsorts of trouble , smashing things up and basically hated the world. I seemed to take it out on everyone who tried to get close . I always said that if someone got close to me they would either leave me or hate me. I was only 7 and I had alot of hurt inside.
Social services were also another big part of my life because of the neglect and abuse I had gone through before I was fostered.
I do not want to go through the details as you may understand but if you do have any questions then please do ask as I have learnt to deal with them all in my own little way .
Social services seemed to be my cause of a lot of problems and although I understand they are meant to be there to help families who need support they tore my family apart and I have hated them ever since.
They were nice at first , sending me on weekends away (family respite) as they called it . This was to give me and my new family a break from all the drastic changes but there was one respite I never returned home from!
When I was 10 year old ,(my brother the eldest son of my new family) was away working in the army and had been in a terrible car accident, he lost his life and I walked in from swimming one sunday morning to find out the terrible news .
Social services were there with in a day or two and assured my mum and dad that they would take me to another aunts for a few weeks to let them grieve and after the funeral I would be returned.
This never happened, the social services had me and my dad in the offices with all the team that decides what should happen to me and it turned into the most distressing part of my life as a child.
It did not seem anything like being torn away from my real parents this time it hurt because they actually loved me and I loved them back. The thought of being taken to somewhere I did not want to be was devestating to me and this is where I always had the thought when people got close to me they left or I was taken away. It was hard for many years to learn to love and trust others .
Me and my dad screamed at them , poured our eyes out begging them not too but they had already made their minds up and I was sent away to never see them again for years.
To this day me and my dad still cry at the thought or mention of that moment, the vivid memory of hurt and hate that social services caused our family in a time we should have been left to grieve as a family,my brother had not even been buried and layed at rest , not even a week had gone since his death.
My dad always says
''I did not just lose a son that week but I lost a daughter too''
It has been the most traumatising part of our lives and one that made us never want social services to ever put a foot near us since.
I was taken to another aunts home where my real sibling younger than me was and enjoyed seeing her but we were always told that we could not live together , the rivalry and events we had gone through had broken our relationship as sisters and to this day we still unfortunately do not get along, we are 2 different people with too much behind us that we can no longer move on without bringing up our hurtful past. It just seems easier to forget and leave it alone.
I never returned to mum and dad and sister and brother , the family I had missed soo much till I ran away back to them when I was old enough at the age of 16 years old. I had just left school, signed up for the army (I always wanted to make them as proud as they were of their son they had lost and thought it would be my way of showing them I loved them and missed him too).
I felt back at home and was finally grateful that they still missed, loved and wanted me.
Last August the memories all came flooding back one weekend when my husbands children came to see us as they always did every weekend. They were dropped of by their mother and it was the last time we ever saw her again. My mum and dad (aunt and uncle) made me realise alot in life and today I am being tested to understand how they felt in a very familiar way.
As soon as we took the children in , took of their coats and sat them down we noticed brusies on the 4year olds face. It had not been the first time but we phoned the police and social services as we had done every week beforehand for the past 4 years , we had put soo many concerns and reports like it previously and explained what we had found. We had been to court previously and had concerns brought to them soo many times we honestly thought that we would have to send them back again like they told us every other week but this time social services and the police were on the childrens side and realised they were best to stay and live with us where it was safe .
This is where my story begins and where you are going to read about my ups and downs of being a mum to three but also what it is like to have 3 step children coming into my home that have serious issues behind them just as I did at their age.
I am learning to deal with it each day and the past has well and truly been brought back to me in ways I wish they had not but I truly believe my mum is looking over me and has sent them to me.
She always liked my husband as she had met him when we were in our late teens and said we should be together, unfortunately she died before we did but I truly believe this new beginning is her way of saying
''I done it for you and I want you to go through it and help others who have been through it too''.
The difficulties of having children and bringing them up as your own even though they are not truly yours is hard but we all deserve to be loved and kept safe and I have been given the chance to give these gorgeous innocent children a life of happiness and love and a childhood they deserve.
All I want to do is keep them safe and give them good memories in hope they grow to forget the hurt they have gone through.
I understand you may be thinking I have forgotten a child ,we have 6 at home full time , 3 of my own and the other 3 are step children from my husbands previous relationship, but the 7th (also previous of the husband) lives with his mum and visits on weekends.
Here is our family
Leon-5yrs (husbands previous)
Libby-7yrs (husbands previous)
Drew-7yrs (mine from previous)
Sian-9yrs (mine from previous)
Philip-12yrs (husbands previous)
Jordan-10yrs (also from previous of husband lives with his mum)
7/3/2014 04:39:19 am
Wow what a story! You've been through so much! How lovely that you have such a large family now that you can smother with love!
10/3/2014 05:14:56 am
thankyou very much, i hope you come back and read more x
7/3/2014 04:48:32 am
What a heart wrenching story, glad to see that everything worked out in the end and your amazing family x
10/3/2014 05:15:48 am
thankyou sarah, it was hard for me to write this as I was not sure if i should or not but pleased i have now x
7/3/2014 04:57:53 am
Lovely family you have x
7/3/2014 09:50:20 am
You are one brave lady with a heart of gold. Your story is touching but you are a super example of someone who has risen above the challenge and shone. I have full admiration for you and your generous spirit. Well done.
10/3/2014 05:16:43 am
thankyou soo much for your lovely comment Natna hun, it means alot ot hear this form someone x
Wow you've been through so much and have came out of it with a few battle scars but stronger than ever. Your family are probably really proud of you. I know if you were in my family I would be :) You gave 3 children who weren't even anything to do with you a proper mother and gave them something priceless! Beautiful Story xx
10/3/2014 05:18:13 am
thankyou soo much for your lovely comment, i totally appreciate it , they are all deserving of love , i am just grateful i have been given the opportunity x
7/3/2014 12:14:52 pm
wow Lisa. what an amazing and strong woman you are. beautiful family hun xx
7/3/2014 12:33:27 pm
Firstly I would like to say well done! This is an amazing post and pulled at my heartstrings. I know what it is like to have to send a child back somewhere week in week out that you know is not a good environment and to worry until the following week when they come back. I look forward to following your journey.
10/3/2014 05:19:12 am
thankyou its nice to hear others appreciate how us step parents feel, thankyou x
7/3/2014 02:50:29 pm
You have been through so much!!
7/3/2014 11:44:34 pm
Lisa I have known u since that young age of 7 and I remember how uprouted and angry as a little girl u were. I didnt however know what u were going through as at 7 its something you dont ask. But as a mum mysel I drum it into my children to look for things in others incase they need a friend. I can see how u have turned out now and u need to be proud of yourself............. if anyone has been tryed and tested its u and u have come out on top. Mothers day in your household really is your day babe xxxxx
10/3/2014 05:20:17 am
thankyou claire you are totally right we never truly understand untill we grow and becomemums ourselves, I am just pleased I can share my story with people who thought they may have known me but never truly did or understand x
8/3/2014 02:48:19 am
I agree with Claire Stoker. Lisa you have come out on top. You have raised a great family. You have come so far since you were 7. I wish you and the family all the best. Respect
8/3/2014 03:35:38 am
Great photo Lisa - lovely to get all the kids there hon. Obviously you already know we've 7 too, and ours is a blended family the same. It's full of everything - noise, fighting, laughter and loads of memories :D
21/3/2014 01:41:15 am
thanks hun, eee i really do need a new one though this is actually a couple xmas's ago and as you can imagine its hard to get one of them all together lol x
8/3/2014 05:15:13 am
I think you have an amazing family, I wish you all the best of luck
8/3/2014 05:16:40 am
I love the pic with all your beautiful children. They are lucky to have such a super mum.
Gosh, it's been a long journey hasn't it? Reading this I realise that my comment the other day asking if you had support from social services was probably entirely inappropriate - I am sorry!!
21/3/2014 01:43:30 am
its ok hun , thats the worry of people not knowing everything . I actually feel better knwing we dont need their support as we manage , i think though in all truth I would expect more support from their mum , its just a shame we dont have nothing but our own hearts to give them x
12/3/2014 03:56:11 am
Wow...what an emotional heartfelt story. The children all look so happy now. What you are doing is amazing...they are all lucky to have you.
21/3/2014 02:19:04 am
thanks hun we are still fighting our daily battles but we will get there x
12/3/2014 04:18:12 am
What an emotional story. I am sure that everything that you went through has made you the strong person that you are today x
12/3/2014 04:46:29 am
Sounds like you have had a really tough time of it. Great that you have such a big brood to spoil and shower with lots of love and cuddles.
21/3/2014 01:46:45 am
thankyou hun , yo know what that is exactly what we done at xmas , we made sure they all had the best time ever, infact the husband woke them all midnight to ge them all up and open presents, they never slept all day lol just smiled and had the greatest xmas , it was our first one together too which was even better x
12/3/2014 04:56:18 am
Lovely pic of you all together. What a lot you've been through
12/3/2014 07:00:03 am
Wow! There's a story!! I don't understand why they took you away after your brother died?! That sounds like a terrible decision and clearly still affects all of you. It's amazing what you are doing though, really amazing - thank goodness the world has people like you in it!
21/3/2014 01:45:13 am
its the way they make you feel like you are not part of a family when they say that you were, they made me feel like i was not part of that family and therefore i had to be removed to let thm grieve for their loss, i understand they were wrong now but as a small child it was the worst situation a foster child could have been put in x
12/3/2014 07:17:18 am
Wow Lisa, what a tale. I am sure you make a wonderful mum and it really sounds like those children are in the best possible care; well done to you and your husband for being so persistent. x
12/3/2014 07:17:52 am
You have such a lovely children. Keep up the good work.
12/3/2014 07:18:06 am
Wow! That is so much to go through, and it must have been so hard to put a lot of that into words. But those children are very lucky to have you in their lives, that's for certain.
21/3/2014 02:19:57 am
thankyou hun , i thought it was time i did, im glad i have now x
12/3/2014 09:10:48 am
I am so sorry that you have gone through so much. I think all kids deserve love from their parents & it really upsets me that this isn't always the case. You have a fabulous family x
21/3/2014 02:21:20 am
i totally agree hun, no child deserves to be abandoned and thats how i feel i can attach my self to their emotions soo much , i know they will test me but i also know how to deal with it with thm x
12/3/2014 10:39:26 am
Oh my goodness what a story. So glad you've found happiness with the kids - those two photographs are wonderful.
12/3/2014 11:51:24 am
wow I can't even imagine what you have been through, I'm so glad you now have your perfect family xx
21/3/2014 02:23:27 am
it was hard for me to put into words , im not very good at writing my thoughts down as i fele them , i think that is why the children are getting my own journal to keep my thoughts of mummyhood and one for myself too , i think if it is not soo easy to talk about then writing may help me in some way as well as understand that everything now is not all soo bad as i sometimes may feel x
12/3/2014 03:02:34 pm
12/3/2014 06:33:42 pm
It sounds like you have all been through a lot what a lovely family though.
12/3/2014 08:13:08 pm
I believe everything happens for a reason and you are now in the perfect position to make all the heartbreak you went through not have been in vain. None more than you will understand how those children feel, or are better equipped to help them grow up strong like their mum.
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