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How many , is too many?

11/3/2014

24 Comments

 
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Being mum to 7 is pretty hard and sometimes I just feel like I do not get any time to myself. In fact I know I do not, but I actually enjoy the fact there is always someone to talk to, keep you company, give you hugs and keep you on your toes. No one could ever call me lazy with these lot even though some have tried then realised how much I actually do. 

My husband is the type of man (pretty traditional) who wants his wife to stay at home and look after the children while he works his butt of to support us , which in the beginning was not happening as I had my own job and loved my independence.
As I had my 3rd child (number 7 as a whole) 4 years ago, we moved away and I decided to stay at home . 
He had decided to go self employed and now owns a very successful business that he loves doing . Of course it is to with cars and motors and often consists of him working long hours ,but he works in his own times and I am proud he is supporting us all, especially being a big family . 

For the past 3 years I have been a stay at home mum . I do not sit on my backside all day doing nothing. I have a family to look after and the house does not tidy itself even though those fairies supposadly come in and do it all for me (I  wish). 
I cook, clean, wash, nurse, teach and take care of my family 24/7. 
My husband has had a go at me soo many times before because I spend soo much time on the computer blogging and interacting with others but to be honest I live in a small village, where there is no interaction with others due to it being soo small with no facilities other than a community centre which is used for the little ones most times and the park which I somehow think I am too big for unless I am going with the kids. 
There is nothing for me here no other family or friends and so my own family are all I have here. This is one of the reasons why we are moving and looking to find a bigger house to accomodate us all.

I wake up in the morning between 6am and 7am (if we are lucky) because my lovely children think its more fun to play in the dark, turn all the lights on and pretty much act like they are in a brass band early hours of the morning . Suprisingly I have asked the neighbours if they hear them and they say no but I am sure they do as we hear every little step form our next door neighbours and there are only two adults and a tolddler. I am up sorting them ready for school and once the 9am strikes and I am back home with a cup of tea .
I then have three hours before I have to pick up my youngest son who is is not yet in full time school untill September coming . I spend my first hour rushing around emptying rubbish, cleaning dishes and pulling piles of clothes and rubbish from the kids bedrooms and sitting room from where they had left their marks of cereal bowls and juice cups from the morning play time they have each day.
 By 10am I am sitting with a cup of tea ready to watch Jeremy Kyle for an hour and looking through my social networking sites , If I am lucky and feeling organised ,I may have something to post and until 12pm I chill out.
Picking up my son from nursery is usually followed by going straight to the shop and if it is nice, we go to the park on the way home. 
We enjoy some dinner then another tidy up before the other 4 children are needed to be picked up at 3:15pm .Our eldest goes to comprehensive so he gets the bus on his own.

As soon as we are home we are rushing around putting coats and shoes away, sorting homework's and tidying bedrooms once again then like tonight, I let them go play out in the garden while changed the bedding , washing their uniforms again and made their tea.
 It is easier for me when the weather is nice , they can enjoy a run about without me worrying they will get cold , they love the fresh air and having a garden is perfect for them as I do not allow them , even the 10 year old, to cross the busy bus road to go to the only park in the village, (ridiculous they actually put t there in the first place). 

Once they have had their teas and all in bed it is usually about 7pm and it is the time I call 'ME TIME'. The time I can go in the bath , write my blogs and catch up with friends on facebook , twitter and other networks, read a book or spend time with my husband. I try to do it all and turn it all of at around 9pm so I can spend time with my husband but he is just as bad having to sort his own work out so sometimes we can be both working on the laptop till midnight. 
I have never been one for early nights even though I love my bed and am a nightmare to wake up in the morning it does not bother me , just leaves me feeling grumpy sometimes which is normal. The husband will tell me to just sit down when he spots me pottering at 11pm cleaning up and putting the last load of washing in or something but I am just the type of person who gets bored, cant sit down and has to be doing something  all the time. I am scared to go to sleep in case I miss anything lol. 

I enjoy blogging , it gives me something to focus on when the children are not here , I am so used to the noise and commotion and it also gives me an excuse now and again to be treat to a new lipstick or eye shadow I can blog and review about.

My husband is such a great dad to his kids, he has always spent all of his spare time with his kids, spoiling them and doing everything for them without asking for anything other than a cuddle and good behaviour in return. He dedicates all his spare time to fun fighting with them, taking them somewhere for the day and usually in my husbands case just acting like a child himself with them. They keep us young lol and sometimes we feel it is needed.

He has always had babies around him and once they get to a certain age you can see the anticipation in his face . Those words eventually spill out to me and I know exactly what they are going to be 

''Ooh babes I love you , you know that, can we please have another one''!

I look at him like he is crazy,,,,,

''what are you on , you really think we can handle any more , do you not think 7 is already enough''?

He replies with 

''Yes but I love you and I want more, we can manage, we financially stable now and married and it would be lovely to have another little one, a little girl, we can call her Jo-Li (since Kaiden he was wanting another baby but a girl we could call that interacted both our names into one Jo short for John and Li short for Lisa) one more and that's it al get the snip, promise,,,,,''!

I argue and tell him no and many others I seem to speak to say the same as me . Often telling me we have enough and I could not handle any more . I have had 3 babies but because there are another 4 that were not born from my belly , it is said to be crazy thinking. 
I can not remember the last time we actually had no kids at all to be honest and it is rare any of them sleep at relatives , when they do it is heaven and in fact we do not wish to go out clubbing or spending the night getting drunk or anything , we just want to sit in front of the telly with a nice takeaway and couple of bottles , warm and cuddling in peace without a wedge interrupting our every action and silence.

I am the type of person who would love to have more but I am scared I wont cope but with 7 already and not having friends and family near by, no social life in the respect we don't go out unless it is all together and barely getting time together it just seems the craziest idea to anyone . But who decides enough is enough?

I have not been on any contraception since our wedding back in September 2012, it was a personal choice because I had found it was giving me mood swings and terrible anxiety. I am petrified of taking medication and so I refuse to even take a paracetamol, taking the pill made me feel so lethargic and I was piling the weight on, thinking now though it is actually just my genes coming to haunt me and I am just getting the family backside and hips.
 We have been very careful but last weekend we had THE ACCIDENT, I do not believe in the morning after pill . I know how many people wish they could have children and I am truly blessed to already have so many . I could never treat nature like that , if it happens, it happens, but if it does not then well we can try not to let it happen again.
It is something my husband is very excited about but I am not, I know it is not the best thing to happen but I have learnt to adapt to having such a quick change with the extras already , what harm could one more do?

I honestly think I would have more but having 6 living under my roof already even though only 3 are my own I feel I am pushing my limits having another one. I love my husband and every single one of the kids but who says enough is enough?
24 Comments
rachel @ activities4kidz link
11/3/2014 07:12:24 am

I think it is all down to the individuals. We have two and I would love another one or two (hubby is even more broody than me!). At the moment I'm a sahm and hubby was made redundant last year so we have agreed not untl we are more financially stable!

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Nate link
11/3/2014 07:22:57 am

Hello Lisa,

Big ups to you and what you do for your family. Granted, I don't have any children, and from reading your story, you sound like a rockstar mom! Putting her family first, before herself. I think just having to really figure out what you want is what leads to the results that you desire. I think sometimes when we think about the things that could potentially happen, usually happens but when you focus on what you want instead, that situation takes a different path. Love your story!

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Kate Thompson link
11/3/2014 08:01:04 am

I would have loved to have had another (I have four) but we have a lot of medical issues to juggle and I know my limits. At least, I know I'm pretty much living life on the edge some days!!! Age is also a factor, my twins were born when I was 32 and I found the chronic sleep deprivation (two with gastro disease) so much harder than at 24. I love my children and didn't want to spread myself any thinner. Some people never feel as if they are "done" - in many ways I don't still, but I do know I couldn't manage more.

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The Great Gordino link
11/3/2014 08:18:27 am

Hi Lisa,
I don't feel qualified to comment, having never had any children, but I wonder if because you already have 7, another one won't make all that much difference to the systems? Probably a silly non parent comment I know! Cheers, Gordon

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Megan link
11/3/2014 08:56:21 am

You sound like super mum to me! I don't have any children so I can't even begin to imagine how much work must go into looking after that many people! xo

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40 Year Old Domestic Goddess link
11/3/2014 10:37:25 am

I wish we had more but unfortunately it wasn't to be.....You obviously have a huge amount of love for all your lovely family so why not........Go on....xxx

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caroline towler link
11/3/2014 11:33:59 am

As a family of 6 we go through this routines and would have loved more but medically it was too dangerous you have to do whats right for your family and if another blessing happens then it will be your choice you will cope as you went from 3 full time to 6 and coped amazing xx

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Kirsty Hijacked By Twins link
11/3/2014 12:14:24 pm

I would love more children in theory however in practice I'm not sure. My time is stretched with just my 9 year old, 24 month old twins and hubby. Plus theres the financial side of things we just get by now I'm a sahm. However if another did come along we'd manage x

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Ninja at link
11/3/2014 01:54:51 pm

My husband is one of 7

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Melissa
11/3/2014 02:52:51 pm

great post ! its nice to show your feelings on this subject lovely !
i have 3 kids and i am a sahm too :)
Melissa | <a sl-processed="1" href="http://www.theinkedblonde.com/" rel="nofollow">theinkedblonde</a>

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Healthier Mummy link
11/3/2014 03:22:48 pm

Wow, I have three kids and I'm not sure how I manage. I am seriously in awe of you with seven. That is so much work. You must be Super-Woman!

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kizzy link
11/3/2014 11:51:25 pm

3 for me is enough, I always wonder but would never have any more.

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Louise link
12/3/2014 05:19:05 pm

Aww I loved reading this. I thought I only wanted one but now we have two I kind of want a third. It's crazy. I know that I need to be earning more money before we can even consider that though.

You are a fab step mum too Lisa. Keep up the great work :D

Louise x

<a href="http://www.confessionsofasecretshopper.com">Confessions of a Secret Shopper</a> | <a href="http://anundomesticgoddess.co.uk">An Undomestic Goddess</a>

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wendy link
13/3/2014 01:19:48 pm

I think you will know if you would like more children or not. I had 3 but always craved for the 4th child. I got my wish and for me my family is complete. Big hugs xxx

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Cass Bailey link
13/3/2014 01:47:01 pm

I think all families are different - for me two is just right but it sounds like you've mastered the art with 7 so maybe one more could be squeezed in ;-)

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Kirsty link
13/3/2014 02:04:45 pm

Every family has to make up their own rules as they go along. You must be exhausted with six living under one roof!

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Angela Spicer link
14/3/2014 02:27:01 am

Wow I think two is enough, but then it's all down to personal choice at the end of the day

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Sonya Cisco link
14/3/2014 04:40:54 am

I think its a very personal choice- 3 is enough for me though!

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Gude @HodgePodgeCraft link
14/3/2014 09:10:41 am

Wow, I think you deserve a trophy!! 2 is enough for me, but MisterPodge is like your husband and would have a whole football team if I would let him. I do think men might feel differently if they had to go through pregnancy and birth! ;)

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Anna link
14/3/2014 11:05:37 am

I think having lots is nice! I would definitely like a couple more :) 7 would probably be enough for me though! But however many you have it will end up being perfect

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Carolynne link
15/3/2014 05:42:03 pm

Wow 7 kids, that's loads, no wonder you don't get a minute although I see you have time for Jeremy Kyle lol ;) ..... having a baby is a huge decision to make, so you need to be sure, ideally! x

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Fritha Strickland link
16/3/2014 11:41:48 am

I think it's such a personal thing isn't it. I can't imagine having more than one at the moment! x

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Agata Pokutycka
16/3/2014 01:31:29 pm

I think this is something you both have to decide and be on the same page... one of these questions that no one else but you can answer

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Angela
24/4/2014 06:58:24 am

Wow I can't imagine having 7 children, but I bet it is an amazing life, I love large families. I just had two, and then went back and forward about having another two as the first two are only 16 months apart I felt I would have to have another two so the third one didn't feel a bit left out and separate. However we wanted to go and live in America and knew if we had more children we would never have been able to afford to emigrate. So instead when my youngest went to school full time I went to University, and then about four years later emigrated to America, I ended up coming back home after 11 years though.

I think having another child probably would not impact your day to day life too much with already having so many kiddies at home, btw are the other four adopted? Just wondered as you mentioned only giving birth to three of them. At the end of the day only you and your hubby can decide what's best for your family, but I'm sure the other 7 would love another sibling, kids in large families always seem to love it. Good luck with whatever decision and life path you take. It was interesting to read your story here.
Angela x

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